February 2010
74 posts
i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know; i have secrets you’ll never know;...
don't tell anyone. →
“i guess i’m waiting for nightfall or a solar eclipse & to wake up half...”
– coco rosie.
everything comes & goes. there is a tiny rabbit in the corner of my room in a ball, eyes shut tight. chasing sleep or chasing fright. we drove to new york in a car filled with warmth & bad radio. when we saw the city we made too many plans & everything intertwined. we walked through the museum faster than anyone should & everything was a blur except for the marine exhibit which i...
January 2010
283 posts
can i keep you? (let me keep you.) i am dirty & cold & tired, tired tired. i have too many bruises & some bloody contact burn which i do not recall getting in the last 24 hours. i feel perfect, i feel awful, i feel as though everything just got a lot more complicated. this is gonna hurt.
you have enough energy inside your tiny body to light up your city, i’ll make you glow.
i do not exist. i do not exist. i do not exist. i do not exist. i do not exist. i do not exist. but if you’d like we’d make this real i’d stow away inside your marrow if you’d like we’d make this real i’d make you well, we’ll be so well & if you’d like we’d not exist, we do not exist, we do not exist, we do not exist. & what happens if...
“& life is nothing more at all than tea-cup drips & bouncing balls &...”
– neutral milk hotel.
today the second you stepped out the door your skin froze, last night was the end of the world. i think i may be losing my mind by trying so hardly to stay sane. tomorrow we’ll pile into a small car & cross state lines till we see that familiar sky line. everything could change. we’ll stumble down streets we don’t know warm with alcohol & that familiar kind of love. i...
(from christian miller) i have sent it to you...
“since you’ve been awol, allie is making me meth. i got her a recipe.”
– eric.
introduce yourself. →
today they roamed our new smaller classroom like caged animals. hanging in door frames & gnashing their teeth. grabbing at our exposed flesh & growling. the animals are running the zoo. this, too, will take getting used to.
i have been fighting a fierce battle with a face rash which my doctor thinks-could-be-maybe-although-maybe-not-i-dont-really-know-what-that-is an allergic reaction of sorts for the past two weeks. he said put some cream on this. well it’s not getting any better & i think i may not ever leave my house again because a) this rash is really hideous b) it is so itchy i might as well scratch a...
i don’t want your devils, to hold me & haunt me. i don’t want your devils, to hold me & haunt me. i don’t want your devils, to hold me & haunt me. i don’t want your devils, to hold me & haunt me. i don’t want your devils, to hold me & haunt me. ‘cos i have a love for your that’s absurd.
“now i can look at you in peace; i don’t eat you any more.”
– franz kafka.
part of me is made of glass. every day feels the same. ghost, ghost drifting through existing only in the very few hours which my heart beat calms to an alarming speed & all of everything rests. the movies that play out on the quiet mind can be terrifying or beautiful. there was the time we drove all night to go to the city in the desert with all the lights. you kept saying everything would be...
“come down!” they cried to him. “come down! come down!” silence...”
– history of love.
there will be no miracles here. there will be no miracles here. there will be no miracles here. there will be no miracles here there will be no miracles here. there will be no miracles here. we could trade these lives to rewrite history but would we still be dealt these cards?
“you are crushable-pretty shithead. shut up. i have a crush on you. you’re...”
– eric always helps when i feel awful.
fs: responses.
what do you like more, forks or spoons for mac & cheese? this is a wonderful question & i really had to think about it & then i really wanted mac & cheese but when i asked my mum she would not make it. i eat it with a fork. make me some? i won’t judge your forehead when you bring it over. (i think you’ve got a great forehead.) what do you teach? everything? i work at a...
.tell.me.things. →
prettythings; terrible things; lustythings.
today i met a boy (a high schooler) who i’ve been trying not to meet. to not know. a boy i didn’t want to put a face to. last year they told us there was a student coming back to the school who’s heart was quickly failing & who there is a DNR order on. if he dies while at school a special call will go out over the walkie-talkies & we will have a lock down while he is...
what are your secrets?: i think i’m dangerously attracted to a boy six years my senior. i don’t know what to do, because i don’t trust myself. you should decide whether or not you are actually attracted to this boy & then, if you are legal, go for it. age is just a number, & really once you start to get older it starts to become less & less important. being attracted...
derealization is an alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems strange or unreal. other symptoms include feeling as though one’s environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional colouring & depth. it is a dissociative symptom of many conditions, such as psychiatric & neurological disorders, & not a standalone disorder. it is also a transient...
today the skies opened up & everything flooded. ponds where roads used to be. the rain is a pleasant sight because with rain comes slight warmth. i’ll take it. today our small class was smaller due to sickness & they all took the news of our move much better than myself. all day i sat, planning to scale, the design for our new terrible classroom. the school cried ‘riot!’...
i spent a month in the north east. this could work out. this won’t work out. things never work out the way that you think. the way that you plan. opposites. similarities. circular existence. this will work out. this could work out. things work in strange ways & some day you’ll say ‘hello’ & you won’t feel so lost. they’ll touch your arm & say...
“i spent a month in the northeast writing letters on the motel sheets. those...”
– margot & the nuclear so & so’s.
next month i turn 22. party hard. →
“sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm.”
– kenny powers.
oh hello, did we meet/dance/share drinks last night?
there are days when everything seems false. everything is a lie. every word is a lie. things get shaken up & you worry your bones will never stop shaking. but it’s okay, you’re lovely. & words just don’t matter because something is misfiring & you want to scream until your lungs burst & bleed. you want everyone to shut their goddamn mouths & someone to just...
ask questions; tell stories. →
today was awful, please.