it was freezing outside & the world was asleep except for the party we were having. it’s your birthday, happy birthday darling we love you very very very very… you stood & so did i; carefully undoing each button on your jacket. there was desperation in my movements & when i whispered ‘please, just stay.’ we laid on the bed making stories out of the shapes on the ceiling. we laid on the bed with eyes closed & fists clenched. there were people in & out of the room smiling & laughing. i wanted nothing more than to disappear completely. there had been no miracles & my mind was lost beyond comprehension. you stayed a bit longer. twenty-two.
